What is the best way to give oral sex to people with a penis? Read on as we guide you through good positions, a variety of stimulation, use of sex toys, and how best to talk about oral sex with your partner(s)
How can I practice oral sex alone?
If you've never tried giving oral sex to someone with a penis before, it might be a good idea to try something different first. It could be something shaped like a penis, such as a banana, an ice cream cone, or just your fingers.
Now explore what it feels like to have something in your mouth - and try to get a feel for how you can create variety. You can try sucking, kissing, or changing the pace or pressure and position of your tongue: Leave it relaxed, make it pointy, run it in a circular pattern, or up and down.
What is good oral sex?
Giving oral sex - no matter who it's for - isn't about mastering a particular technique or performing at all. Oral sex is best when it's an interaction between you and your partner(s), continuously adapting to both your and your partner(s)' desires and needs. There is therefore no one-size-fits-all guide or recipe.
Talk with each before beginning
As with any other form of sex, oral sex requires both partners to be in the mood. Before you start, you can say that you want to give oral sex - and ask your partner(s) if they want to receive oral sex too. If you feel up to it, you can also ask your partner(s) to describe what they associate with good oral sex and what is particularly arousing and pleasurable for them.
How to prepare?
Before giving (or receiving) oral sex, it can be a good idea to make sure the penis is clean. You might benefit from taking a bath together. You can even start the sexual session in the bath by touching and kissing each other. Furthermore, it can be quite a turn-on to help wash your partner(s) penis. If you don't have access to a bath, these cleansing wipes from Durex are a great alternative.
Take your time
Having your head placed between another person's legs can be an intimidating experience which requires trust, so it can be a good idea to take your time. There's no need to rush into oral sex.
As part of the act, you can excite your partner by stimulating erogenous zones other than the penis. The neck, feet, stomach, and inner thighs are all sensitive areas - if your partner likes it, you can kiss and lick the areas. By starting slowly, you can give yourself space to feel if it feels nice to you too. For inspiration on where to stimulate, read our article on erogenous zones.
Use your hands during oral sex
In addition to your lips and tongue, you can also use your hands as part of oral sex. You can either stimulate other erogenous zones or place them on the penis. You can involve your hands to add variety to the experience, or to give your mouth and tongue a break along the way. If you find yourself thinking too much about coordinating the movements of your hands at the same time as your mouth and tongue - then don't include the hands. It's generally better to be present in your body and give yourself over to the act, instead of thinking too much.
How to use your hands on the penis?
As well as caressing erogenous zones around the body, you can also use your hands on your partner(s) penis. For example, with one or both hands, you can grasp the shaft and move it up and down. At the same time, you can try stimulating the testicles or the shine on the penis with your mouth and tongue. You can also try holding one hand around the root of the penis and tightening slightly - this will simulate the experience of wearing a penis ring and keep blood flowing into the penis. It can also intensify orgasm - so if you feel your partner(s) getting close to coming, try squeezing the root first and then release as they come.
Where on the penis does it feel good to be stimulated?
How gently or hard your partner(s) prefer to be stimulated varies from person to person: Some appreciate gentle strokes, while others find it more pleasurable when a harder grip is applied. As a general rule, the head of the penis is sensitive, as it is where many nerve endings come together. The penile cord, which is the area at the back of the penis where the shaft and head meet, is particularly sensitive. That's why it's a good idea to concentrate your tongue on the head of the penis while letting your hands stimulate the shaft and other parts.
Stimulating the testicles
The testicles are also sensitive. If you and your partner(s) feel like it, you can stimulate them as part of oral sex. You can caress them with your hands, kiss, lick, or suck on them. You can also grab around the testicles - or the testicles and penis at the same time - and squeeze gently. This will simulate a penis ring, and can increase both erection and sensitivity.
Communicate along the way
Sex is not a guessing game, nor is there any need to assume what your partner(s) like or dislike. If your partner finds it hard to put into words what they like, try it out. Make sure you check in with each other along the way, and give space and space for both you and your partner(s) to feel. You can try asking: "Does it feel good when I ... ?", "Does this feel nice?" or "can I try to...?". You can also express that you like it by moaning and confirming to each other that it feels good. Communication can easily be combined with dirty talk. You can read more about how to get started with dirty talk in our article here. If you're nervous or just want to be in control, it's a good idea to perform oral sex in a position where you can see your partner's face. It makes it easier for both you and them to see and feel whether you're comfortable. You can also put a hand on your partner's chest, and push or squeeze gently if they take over too much compared to what you feel comfortable with.
Remember the perineum and anus
Both the perineum and anus are sensitive areas that can be nice to have massaged during oral sex. This can be either by pressure from your tongue or fingers. Not everyone enjoys having either their perineum or anus licked - so be sure to ask your partner(s) if they're up for it before you start. You can get our guide on how to get started with rimming in this article here.
Use lube for oral sex
For many people, oral sex feels extra good when it's wet. Saliva works well as a lubricant, but you can also add lube for an extra slippery experience. This pomade from Slow Sex has a cooling effect: try experimenting with how the contrast between cool lips and a warm mouth will change the sensation for your partner(s). There are also flavoured lubes that can be fun to combine with oral sex.
Ways to vary oral sex
There is a myriad of ways to vary oral sex. Explore with your partner(s) what works for you. You can vary the pressure and pace, the movements of your tongue and where your hands are used. You can also vary the temperature by drinking something hot or putting an ice cube in your mouth before oral sex. Another idea is to try leading the penis down your throat and slowly moving your mouth upwards. If you want to engage in deepthroat, a good tip is to push the larynx back by simulating a deep A or O sound. Place your fingers on the throat and feel for downward movements. This will reduce the risk of gagging sensations and watery eyes.
Eye contact during oral sex
Making eye contact during oral sex can be a big turn-on. It can be a good way to signal to each other what feels really nice. Conversely, eye contact can feel both intimidating and transgressive. If you don't feel like making eye contact with your partner(s) while giving them oral sex, it's a good idea to choose a position where your faces face away from each other.
Suggestions for good oral sex positions
Depending on the shape and size of your partner's penis, some positions are more suitable than others for oral sex. The same is true if you want to focus on the anus at the same time, for example. To find out more, you can also read our guide to sex positions here.