Have you tried it? You are on your way out the door and are in a hurry, and suddenly the desire overwhelms you, and you cannot keep your hands off your partner. Or are your parents in the room next door, and even though you're afraid they'll hear you, you simply cannot help it? Why do you get turned on when the timing seems simply terrible? Read on and find out why it's so sexy to be turned on at the most inconvenient times.
Attraction + Obstacles = Ignition
In 1995, one of the main works of modern sexology was published: The Erotic Mind. In the book, Jack Morin (psychotherapist & psychologist specializing in sexology) describes how the human's erotic mind can be understood. The book is filled with stories from Morin's empirical evidence he collected for the book, which he spent more than twelve years writing. These stories alone are worth reading the book for. But it also explains why, among other things, it happens that we get so horny, at impractical times.
Let's pretend I am not allowed to...
We know it from many areas of life other than sex. For some, it's just more enticing and exciting if one should not. It can be anything from jumping over the fence to a park at night, to using a blob of your friend's lotion in the bathroom without her knowing it. Of course, not everyone feels this way, and the level of “illegalities” is also different. But once in a while it is simply more fun to do something you're not allowed to.
The innocent obstacles
An example of an obstacle that may well give the horniness a push is e.g. when you are on your way out the door. Or a hand job under a jacket in a movie theater. Just a small risk of being discovered may well increase enjoyment. But it does not have to be real obstacles. This is also where something like role-playing can be interesting. Then you can "play" a scenario without there actually being an opportunity to be discovered. Limited only by imagination.
The more problematic obstacles
But Morin's first equation also explains why some people have a tendency to get involved in more problematic obstacles. An example of this could be infidelity, ie that without having made an agreement about it, you have sex with someone other than your partner. For some, infidelity can be an addiction, where the risk of being discovered only enhances the enjoyment. And here it is a problem for not only those involved, but also their spouse. Of course, there can be many reasons for hurtful actions, but it is important to talk to a professional about it if it's something that takes up a lot of space in one's thoughts.
Set up even small obstacles
As written earlier, you can make small obstacles yourself, which can increase the excitement. If, for example, you have difficulty with sex, you may have to agree not to have sex for a period of time, but instead be intimate with underwear on. Just such a small obstacle can make a huge difference, and suddenly breathe lige and lust into something that may have been in slumber mode for a long time.
Remember that changes take time, and that it is often more long-term sustainable to proceed slowly in the beginning.
You can also read about slow sex and sex in the bath.