The Price of Vulnerability 4/4

The Romantic in Exile

Maiken Ringkjøbing has always believed in and dreamed of love. She has simply struggled to dare to pursue it. In this personal story, Maiken Ringkjøbing explores why the fear of being hurt can outweigh the longing for love. What does it do to a person to protect themselves so much that no one is ever truly allowed to get close?

The Price of Vulnerability is Maiken’s story about love, fear, and a constant escape from losing control. About growing up with the ideal of great love while simultaneously being terrified of it. Through conversations with psychologists, her parents’ love letters, and her own experiences, she has explored why some of us long for love yet still struggle to surrender to it. This is the fourth part of The Price of Vulnerability by Maiken Ringkjøbing.

Maybe no one has ever truly been allowed to get close.

“You can’t get hurt if you never get close.”
— Harry, Season 1 of Too Hot to Handle

No, this is not really supposed to be specifically about that damn reality show anymore, but in the days following my revelation while watching the series, the clockwork in my head has been spinning as though it had just been wound up.

On one hand, I feel deeply ashamed that I can relate to them. At least it does not feel like something a person who grew up surrounded by love should be able to relate to. But on the other hand, I have learned something new — albeit not particularly pleasant — about myself. And that is the whole purpose of this journey, isn’t it?

I have dated people like them. Without a doubt.

But what I actually find most painful is realizing that I have been one of them.

I surrendered myself — but never completely.
I became the one who could always leave.
I was free.

I thought it was strength. Being the woman who never stayed. Or the woman who chose men where, deep down, I already knew it would never become anything serious.

But hidden behind that freedom was an escape.

Because what if someone truly saw me? Would they still choose me once I was no longer easy, fun, and curious?

I have dated many people, but I have never truly let anyone all the way in. Not until now.

And now that I have finally realized it myself, I think many people know this feeling. Either standing opposite someone who did not dare to love — or being that person themselves.

The problem is that we are too afraid to say:
“I want to be chosen.”

So instead we say:
“I’m not ready.”

Or:
“It wasn’t right anyway.”

But maybe they were not the problem.
Maybe I was simply too afraid to stay.

And that is exactly why I cling to the quote I began this chapter with.

It is the quote I relate to the most. The one that best describes how I have protected myself.

I built emotional walls disguised as independence. I let go of connections before they became too real.

I never truly let people in — at least not really — and then wondered afterward why I could never fall in love.

And if I allow myself to dive into the real reason why I have relied on short-lived and superficial relationships, the small (yet enormous) unspoken emotions begin to surface, wrapped carefully in thick layers of bubble wrap.

Maybe I do not fully recognize the act of being completely vulnerable in a romantic relationship.

But perhaps it is finally time to try...