5 tips for regaining your sex life after giving birth
There are many unknown factors in relation to pregnancy and childbirth, but one thing is certain and that is that big changes happen – both physically and emotionally. This also means that many new parents find their sex life challenged. Lack of desire, pain or the feeling of being "disconnected" from their vagina is common, but rarely something we talk about openly. Here are five concrete things you can do to take the first steps towards a healthy and satisfying sex life again.
1. Give yourself time and space
After giving birth, your body physically needs time to heal and recover - but the same actually applies to your mental health. Hormones, sleep deprivation and a new life situation can affect both your desire and your ability to focus on intimacy. The first important step is therefore to find acceptance in the situation, and know that it is completely normal. Give yourself permission to take the time you need, without internal pressure or feelings of guilt.
2. Reconnect with your lower abdomen
The lower abdomen – especially the pelvic floor – has been working overtime during pregnancy and childbirth. It is not uncommon for you to experience that the connection to your lower abdomen feels weak or even completely absent. A gentle way to rebuild this connection is to start with simple pelvic floor exercises, where you connect your breath. Try to gently squeeze while exhaling and relax when inhaling. You can also simply start by sending your breath “down towards the lower abdomen”, which creates movement in the area and thereby contact.
3. Talk openly with your partner
One of the biggest barriers to regaining intimacy with your partner can be a lack of communication. It can feel really vulnerable to talk about changes in your body, specific issues, or lack of desire, but openness is key. Tell your partner how you feel and what you need – and create an open space so you can listen to each other. Sexual connection is many things, and the focus can be on closeness rather than performance – including the goal of orgasm.
Also read: Improve your communication skills during sex .
4. Seek professional help
If you experience pain or discomfort during intercourse, or if you feel unsure about how to work with your pelvic floor and rebuild your connection to your body, a physiotherapist specializing in women's health can be a good place to start. Here you can get clarification and concrete tools and exercises - with and without your partner - to move forward.
5. Try new forms of intimacy
Sex life after giving birth may look completely different than before – and that’s okay. You may need to explore new ways to be intimate. Massage with your hands or sex toys, touching without the expectation of penetration, or simply taking time to get to know your “new” body can be a good start. If you feel ready, lube can make the experience more comfortable and safe.
Most importantly - take it at your own pace
The most important thing is to listen to your body and your needs. There is no real time frame for when you will be ready for sex again. By taking small steps and seeking support when you need it, you can gradually rediscover the joy of intimacy – on your own terms.
Remember that it is completely normal to experience challenges after giving birth, and you are not alone. Your body has been through an amazing but also demanding journey – be patient and loving with yourself.
Briefly about the writer:
Mia Gad is a trained physiotherapist specializing in women's health - including exercise, pregnancy & postpartum. She founded MorKrop and runs a clinic with the same name in Copenhagen K, where she sees both women and men for individual consultations, training and workshops. Mia is a mother of two and has, among other things, due to her own experiences, made it her mission to break taboos and spread information about women's (rights to) health in particular.
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