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Penetrative anal sex

My name is Emma. I'm a former sex worker, a feminist and a sex nerd.

I would like to break the taboo, talk about, and educate my fellow humans in the art of having good nurturing sex. I find that many people are interested in the topic and want to explore the different branches of their own desire. But I also find that it can be difficult to find practical, hands-on, detailed knowledge about how to dive in! How do you have good sex? How do I communicate and negotiate my boundaries in a new sexual relationship? How do I reach orgasm with my partner?

Caring for your desire and sexuality is a lifelong process because it's not static. It changes all the time. Fortunately, keeping the fire alive is a rewarding job. Our sexuality can be an expression of the culture we live in, and at the same time, it's rooted in the innermost parts of our subconscious minds. I believe that if we, as a society, individuals and partners, educate and engage in understanding and using sexuality intelligently, it can be a tool to better understand ourselves and develop a deep bodily awareness and sympathy for ourselves and people in between.

Anal sex for beginners

Anal sex can be a nice tool to have in your sexual repertoire. It can provide an extra dimension of pleasure in your sex life because it reaches some of the nerve endings that generally don't get as much love and attention. For some, sex is considered naughty and maybe even a little forbidden. Some may have tried it once or twice and had a not-so-good experience and subsequently shelved the idea. Some are unsure where to start and how to actually get started. Can it even be nice? The answer is yes, and this little guide explains how to start exploring this part of your body's pleasure landscape safely and comfortably. No matter our genitals, we all have an asshole, and I think that makes anal play beautiful because it's universal. This guide caters to everyone, whether they're rocking a pussy or a cock, even if they use different words to describe their reproductive organs.
The comprehensive guide is geared towards anal sex with a partner, and it contains in-depth information about using a strap-on dildo for anal sex.

Step by step:

Step 1: Hygiene

Some people are afraid that something will come out after anal sex. If you would like to rinse out before, here's a short guide to doing so:
- If your shower head is detachable, unscrew it. Turn on the water, and remember to make sure it has a comfortable temperature.
- Place the end of the hose by the opening to the asshole (NOT INSIDE THE ASS), and gently turn on the water and let it run in. The jet shouldn't be too strong, and you shouldn't do this for too long. Feel free to use a little lube, so you don't destroy the entrance before you start. Let the water run up for about 10 seconds, no longer as there is a risk it will get too far in and loosen too much of what's in the intestine (the water runs into the colon). If this happens, it will take longer to flush, as more content needs to be emptied. Then empty yourself on the toilet, and repeat until the water runs clear. Something clear and slimy might come out at the end. That means you're getting there.

Step 2: Lube

Use lots of it! Alllubeis okay, but I would recommend silicone-based lube. It's hypoallergenic and lasts a long time, as silicone molecules are too large to penetrate the skin. Water- and oil-based lubes can also be used. They both penetrate the skin faster, so remember to add more as you go along.

Step 3: Position

  1. I think it's great on all fours and from behind because you can control the pace yourself.
  2. You can also lie flat on your stomach and let yourself relax. Decide if you need the freedom to move, or if grounding and relaxation is more your style.
  3. Spooning is a great position for anal because both parties have decent freedom of movement, and you can be close.
  4. Sid ovenpå pikken eller legetøjet, enten ansigt mod ansigt, eller den der modtager sidder med ryggen til den der giver. Dette giver god kontakt, og hvis du har en klitoris kan den nemt stimuleres samtidig.

Give yourself time

My experience is that anal sex is wonderful, but all of a sudden, it can become too much. When that happens, I either feel the need to pull away or to push all the way in and ask the other person to stand still for a moment until I'm ready and want to keep going. If it hurts or you're experiencing discomfort, my advice is to take lots of breaks rather than grit your teeth.
If you're a beginner, it's important to stay focused on your own body and the new sensations the experience gives you. I think it's a good idea to share and discuss your expectations before you get started. Of course, it's great to see your partner turned on and excited, but it's a good idea to clarify in advance that this is about your body experiencing a new sensation for the first time. You don't necessarily have to be passive and receiving. You can also use your dick, clit, anus or anything else when you're banging, just like with all other sex!

Anal sex with strap on

For the hetero-people in here:
I often hear cis / het women say something along the lines of: '' fucking a man with strap on is really a big fantasy for me, I think it feels powerful and dominant to take my partner from behind. '' This is actually quite unsurprising, if that's the division of roles you are used to in bed - that is, the inward-facing gender as the receiving and the outward-facing gender as the controlling.

At the same time, I have heard many cis-men who have explored anal sex with a partner, say that it has been a painful experience that has not lived up to expectations.

I cannot help but think: maybe the heterosexual woman in the situation draws on the experiences she has had with being penetrated? Maybe she herself has experienced loss of control over what happens in her body during the sex act? Or maybe that she herself has not always gotten the desired result out of intercourse?
In continuation of this, I would like to stress that sex may can also be a non-violent activity. The desire-trigger points of the dominant party can become the guiding principle in the act.

Again, it's a good idea to align your expectations, and jump into it!

My advice for anal sex

My advice to the giving party in anal sex: Keep an eye on your partner's little cues. Be aware that it is an extremely sensitive area you are penetrating, and an area that can hold many emotions. Remind yourself that you can accommodate the emotions and sensations your partner experience and hold space for them to feel them.

Penetration is a delicate discipline.

Feel your own sensations and emotions. Treat the other person's body with love and care, and be sure to set a clear intention not to exceed limits for yourself or others during the experience.


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