The prostate orgasm: myths, facts and guidance
The prostate is sometimes referred to as people with penises's G-spot. Stimulating the prostate can lower the risk of getting prostate cancer, and can also give more intense orgasms, however it's still a taboo form of pleasure, especially for heterosexual people with penises. Read more about why, and get advice on how you can have a prostate orgasm here
What is the prostate?
The prostate is a gland about the size of a walnut, that most people with penises are born with. When a person with a penis is aroused, the gland will swell and start creating a fluid that forms part of the semen. The prostate gland is found below the bladder with the urethra passing through it, which is also why a lot of people with penises experience trouble peeing as they age. That's because the gland has a tendency to grow slightly with time, due to the hormone testosterone. It's completely normal and can be treated with medicine or surgery.
The prostate can be found a couple of centimeters inside the anus in the direction towards the stomach. Because the gland is typically stimulated by massaging the area around or inside the anus (read more about that further down), it's regarded as taboo for especially heterosexual people. A typical preconceived notion about people with penises stimulating their anus is that it must also mean homosexuality - but of course, that's NOT true. Anyone can enjoy anal stimulation, regardless of sexuality. In fact, if you move past the prejudice and outdated views of sexual pleasure, there are many upsides to prostate massage. Massage of the prostate and anal stimulation can be great for people experiencing erectile dysfunction, or people that don't want to use their penis during sex. Sex for people with penises does not have to include penetration!
Massage of the prostate is used by doctors to treat an inflamed prostate, for erectile dysfunction (trouble getting and/or keeping an erection) and as a prevention for prostate cancer. But, as with the clitoris, the G-spot or any other areas, glands, etc. that are typically connected to something sexual, the research is seriously lacking, and proof of the benefits are more anecdotal. Luckily it's not dangerous to massage and stimulate the prostate (though you can risk scratching yourself if you don't trim your nails), and many find it to be an area of great, great pleasure, so why not give it a try?
How can i achieve the prostate orgasm?
The prostate can be stimulated from the outside or the inside. Before you get started, there's some prep work you can do:
- Make sure to pee before getting started. For some, stimulating the prostate can provoke a sensation of having to pee, without necessarily having to pee. So pee first, so you don't have to wonder if you really do need to pee.
- Clip those fingernails! Especially if you're massaging from the outside with your fingers
- If you're stimulating and massaging from the inside, some prefer using an anal douche beforehand. It's not necessary, as there's typically no feces in the first few centimeters of the anal canal, which is where you're massaging. If you want to douche anyways, that's totally fine, and you can read how in our guide to buttplugs here.
If you're not that into anal penetration or just want to warm up before getting there, you can start from the outside. Try massaging the perineum, which is the area between the scrotum and the anus, with your fingers or a sextoy with a rounded top. Don't forget the lube, it makes the massage so much better. Because the prostate is located a few centimers in, you need to use greater force on the outside compared to if you're stimulating internally. The Pawny vibrator is great for massaging the perineum, thanks to its rounded head made from silky soft silicone. You can also use a harder material like steel, which gives an intense stimulation. This steel dildo from Njoy is great, both for external but especially internal massage, due to the curve that makes it perfect for hitting the spot.
You can stimulate the prostate from within using your fingers or with a sextoy. When massaging internally, you're not actually hitting the prostate directly. Instead, you're hitting it though the walls of the anus - but that does not necessarily mean that you need to use force! Start slowly by massaging the opening of the anus and the sphincter with lube, so it loosens up a bit. Lube is a must as the anus can't create its own lubrication, and needs a little extra glide for the most pleasurable experience.
When you're ready, start by slowly inserting a finger and bending it in a "come here" movement towards the stomach. That's the best way to hit the prostate form the inside. If you want to make sure you don't scratch yourself, use a condom on your fingers or latex gloves, like these that are also great for fisting. It can be a little tricky finding the prostate if you haven't tried it before. Luckily the prostate swells a bit when you're aroused, so it can get easier the more you stimulate.
If you want to use a sextoy internally, there are many great options. Buttplugs with a pointed top are great for a precise stimulation, like the rimming buttplug from Human or the Trainy buttplug set. If you want to learn more about rimming, you should also give our guide to rimjobs a read.
You can also try using a wand on the outside. The vibrations are strong enough to travel deep inside, giving you a nice, vibrating massage.
It can take a while stimulating the prostate to the point of orgasm. Because prostate massage can give the sensation of having to pee, it can also take a little time and practice learning to relax the muscles and not tightening them.
You should also remember that your sexuality is not defined by the types of sexual pleasure you enjoy. Prostate massage is not reserved for non-straight people, and can be enjoyed by all. Intimate massage where you're touching areas that might not receive much love and attention otherwise and experimenting in general is an important part of everyone, and is a great way to strengthen your confidence and your awareness of your body.