How do you finger someone? 9 tips for giving pleasure to people with a vulva
Performing finger sex on people with vulvas can be enormously pleasurable and naughty for both the person receiving and the person giving. Read on as we give you eight tips for fingering.
1: Prepare yourself - wash your hands and clip your nails
The vagina has its own delicate bacterial environment. It can be thrown out of balance if too many foreign bacteria are introduced - this can lead to an unpleasant yeast infection. So be sure to wash your hands thoroughly and cut your nails to reduce the risk of giving your partner(s) scratches and infections.
2: Communicate - ask what your partner(s) like
It's always a good idea to start any sexual encounter by clarifying if there are any particular desires or limits. Listen to them and ask your partner(s) how they like to be touched. If they find it hard to put it into words, try suggesting that they show you instead.
3: Use lube - slippery finger sex increases pleasure
If your partner(s) have a vulva, they may have experienced that their vagina can create natural lubrication when turned on. But adding extra lube can make finger sex even more enjoyable for your partner(s). Both outside the vulva and inside the vagina, lube can reduce friction, reducing the risk of irritating the skin and making the whole experience so much better. You can buy our great and mild Glide & Slide lubricant here.
4: Warm up - start slowly and work up your desire
It can feel uncomfortable to be stimulated both outside the vulva and inside the vagina if you're not turned on beforehand. The areas contain many nerve endings, and are incredibly sensitive - for it to be pleasurable, it's important to start out slowly and warm your partner(s) up well. Ways to turn your partner(s) on can be: by kissing different places on the body, stimulating other erogenous zones, dry humping, dirty talk, using non-penetrative sex toys, giving massage or oral sex. It's a good rule of thumb to start from the outside and then move in - start your touch far away from the vulva and slowly move your hands closer.
5: Build excitement - start by stimulating the clitoris indirectly
Start with indirect stimulation of the clitoris. You can do this by first placing two fingers between the inner and outer labia (on either side of the clitoris) and then move up and down in slow strokes. Then you can move on to the clitoral head: keep your index and middle fingers together and flat, and move them either in circular motions or from side to side. Some like to be stimulated directly on the clitoral head, where others find it too intense. So start slowly with indirect clitoral stimulation, and communicate regularly with your partner(s) about what works for them.
6: The art of fingering - massage the g-zone
The G-zone, also known as the g-spot, is an area that can be found a few centimetres up the vagina facing the stomach. The area swells when people with vulvas get horny, and it can be very pleasurable to be stimulated there. Make sure your partner(s) are turned on before you start penetrating their vagina with your fingers - feel free to start off by stimulating the clitoris first.
When you are about to finger: apply some lube, or alternatively saliva. Use two fingers, and let your palm face up towards your stomach. Slowly insert your fingers about 5 centimetres into the vagina. Curl your fingers slightly and make a 'come-here' motion. Feel for the g-zone with your fingertips - it may feel a little rough, a bit like the top of a tongue. Once you've found a rhythm and angle that feels good to your partner(s), you can add clitoral stimulation using your other hand, your tongue or a sex toy - for example, Bullie and Pawny are great for this purpose.
7: Building on finger sex - don't forget the vulva and anus
If both you and your partner(s) feel like it, you can extend the finger sex you give by simultaneously stimulating the vulva and anus. Start by applying lubricant to the perineum (the area between the anus and vulva), and massage the area.
Now move your fingers further down and stimulate the anus with circular motions. If you feel like it, add more lube and gently insert one or more fingers into your partner(s) anus - but it may also be that just external stimulation of their anus is perfect for them.
8: Pay attention to the cadence - rhythm and speed are important
There are many ways to vary finger sex, and there's not just one way that will suit everyone. One thing that can be generalized about finger sex, however, is that it's important to pay attention to the cadence. Once you and your partner(s) have found a rhythm and speed that works and feels good for them, keep it that way. If you are told to continue, this does not mean that you should turn the tempo or rhythm up or down - instead, you should continue in exactly the way you are doing it.
9: Position yourself well - to build up your stamina
Giving finger sex to people with vulvas is not a sprint - it's a marathon. Set aside plenty of time, be patient, be curious about your partner's body. It's about both of you having a good time, not chasing a possible orgasm. Because time and pace are important elements when it comes to finger sex, you may benefit from positioning yourself in a way that increases your stamina. You can place yourself between your partner(s) legs doing the "come-hither" motion with your fingers.
If you find that this position and angle quickly exhausts the muscles in your forearm, try standing next to your partner(s) instead.
Here you can keep the curve in your fingers, and use your shoulder to make a fluid and slanted movement. In this way it's easier to create and combine both external and internal (in the vagina) pressure up towards the g-zone (towards the stomach). You can also use your other hand to caress other areas of your partner(s) - for example, some people find it nice to have a light pressure applied to either their stomach or chest.
Read also: Sex toy guide for beginners
Read also: What is sexual aftercare?
