A surprising amount of people experience pain during sex. The majority of those who experience pain as a recurring issue are people with a vulva. There are a number of physiological and cultural reasons for this. But what can you do?

Have you been to the doctor?
Before we start with the tips and inspiration, we need to start with the boring part: have you been to the doctor? Pain can stem from a number of reasons, both physical and psychological, but it's always a good idea to start with a visit to a doctor. Pain is your body's way of telling you that something is wrong. It's not guaranteed that a doctor can help. But at least you've done something, and ruled out the possibility of something dangerous or something you could get  treatment for. 

When does it hurt?
One of the things I most often help my clients with, when they experience pain in the genital area, is to determine when it hurts. Make a little diary, and note when it hurts and how much (for example on a scale from 1-10). Does it hurt for the duration of the intercourse? Does it hurt when you think about sex, or when you have sex with yourself? Maybe there are nuances to your pain that you haven't noticed before. 

Take it to the limit, and then go back a little

When you start to get a good overview of when it hurts, maybe you can start to see some patterns and recognize some limits. It can be a good idea to not take things so far that it starts hurting. Once the body is alert because of the pain, it can be hard to concentrate on anything else. So if you have reached your limit and the pain is starting, take it back a little, maybe through a break or a full-stop. It's important to respect the signals of your body, telling what it wants and what it doesn't want.  

Remember the lube

It might seem a little trite, but please do remember the lube. I have seen too many clients where the solution or at least a significant improvement could be found by just using lube as a regular part of sex. Find a lube that suits your needs, and that you like the touch of. It's also worth looking at the article about lube, or the big selection at Peech.

Do you want to please your partner?

In some periods of time, you or your partner might not want sex or any kind of touch for that matter. And that's okay. But maybe you want to please your partner, or give them the space to please themselves. For some, it can be a very difficult conversation. But maybe it could be fun to sit together in front of the screen, picking out sex toys you could use on your partner, or your partner could use themselves? If your partner has a penis, I can highly recommend for example this sleeve - and plenty of lube.

Do what feels good - and have fun

It is important to stick to what you like and know feels good.  And don't forget that it is completely allowed to laugh during sex. A lot of people think that sex must be very serious, that it always happens without challenges or issues, but this is not the case for most of us. Sex can be fun and silly and cringy. And remember: sex is really not everything, and it is okay to go through periods in your relationship where sex does not play a big role. Focus on what gives you energy, and seek help if you are stuck 

- Molly