Guide til BDSM

Guide to BDSM

BDSM stands for bondage, domination, sadism, and masochism, and is an umbrella term covering different ways of having sex. There is therefore no one specific way to explore BDSM play, but rather many components to explore. Read this guide for inspiration on how to get started.

What is BDSM?

The core element of BDSM sex is a power play of either giving up or taking control. Submissive means giving up control - it means submitting and giving in to the other person(s). The dominant party is conversely in control and in charge of the session and/or the other(s).

There are a myriad of ways in which the dominance relationship can be expressed. The B in BDSM stands for bondage and is associated with fixation, where you either bind or are bound - you can read more about that in this article, which guides you to getting started with bondage and shibari (Japanese bondage). Many people associate BDSM play with pain: Sadism refers to pleasure in humiliation or infliction of pain, whereas masochism conversely refers to pleasure in being exposed to humiliation or infliction of pain. This may sound a little harsh, but it certainly does not have to be. BDSM games are what you make them and they don't necessarily contain all the elements.

The power relationship can manifest itself in many ways - overall, a distinction can be made between physical and psychological domination. Psychological dominance can be in the way you communicate - by making changes to body language, tone of voice, choice of words, and eye contact. Thus, you can vary in whether you give direct orders in a dismissive or mocking way or whether you ask for something in a loving way. Similarly, one can tone down or completely eliminate the submissive's ability to communicate verbally, for example, with our gag ball in vegan leather in the mouth or by only whispering or being mute.

What sex toys can I use?

Physical domination can be binding, restraining, or inflicting direct pain. Examples include hitting various places on the body - either with a hand, paddle*, or whip. You can vary the strength and location of the blows, thereby changing the experience. Similarly, you can explore choking or hard grips, spitting on hands, feet, genitals, or face - scratching, pinching, or otherwise stimulating different parts of the body. For just this purpose, a pinwheel, wax candle, or tickler can provide different sensory experiences when used around the body.

The sexual pleasure of pain can be based on several things. Some people are turned on by the brief pain of a blow, for example, others by the warmth and sensitivity built up in the area after one or more blows, and for still others, the sound is the titillating element.

It can be fun and exciting to take control, just as it can be nice to relinquish it. It can also be interesting to explore how it feels to swap roles as dominant and submissive respectively along the way. For many, taking the position of submissive can be liberating: it can feel freeing to have to do nothing but parry orders and obey commands from one or more person(s). Along the same lines, many people find themselves becoming sexually aroused by giving pleasure to someone other than themselves. BDSM sex is associated by many with a form of rough sex - however, this is not necessarily the case. As well as arousal, power play can bring increased intimacy, trust, and closeness.

Safewords and boundaries

Many people agree on a safeword, which is an excellent idea as part of an initial conversation about what you like and where your boundaries lie. Using a safeword requires you to feel your boundary - and when it is crossed. This is not necessarily the case for everyone, especially if you are new to BDSM. Because of this, we encourage clear communication, checking in with each other, and taking breaks during sex.

In BDSM play, it will always be the submissive(s) who have the actual control: it is always the submissive(s) who can set a limit and decide when play stops. That said, the dominant(s) have the power, and with that comes a special responsibility to make sure their partner(s) feel nice and safe during the act.

You can also read our guide on kink and BDSM here, or on how to dirty talk right here!