Are you a person with a penis who thinks you climax too quickly? And how do you even know if you're climaxing too fast? Read our guide here for answers to some of your questions and advice on how to delay ejaculation.
When do you climax too quickly?
There is no clear-cut answer to what is "too soon" or, conversely, what is "long enough". There are rather loose definitions of premature ejaculation - and most often it depends on how long you want to last compared to how long you actually last. There is also no exact reason why some people with a penis experience ejaculation earlier than they would like. However, psychological factors such as nervousness and performance anxiety can play a big part in rapid ejaculation, as can alcohol.
Getting used to coming quickly when masturbating can also increase the likelihood of coming quickly when having sex with others. Most people with a penis have experienced rapid ejaculation - it's quite common and a natural bodily response to stimuli. If you experience it every time, and if it's something you perceive as a problem, we would encourage you to seek professional guidance and help from your doctor or a sexologist.
Communicate with your partner(s)
Communication is essential in everything - especially when it comes to sexual challenges. Premature ejaculation can cause a lot of frustration and uncertainty. Talking about it is the best thing you can do to counteract negative feelings associated with it. It's important to remember that you shouldn't apologize for something you can't help. Some people feel ashamed and may feel like they have to apologize. But coming quickly is a natural part of the sexual act.
It's a good idea to talk to your partner(s) about how you can plan yourselves out of it: How can you best maintain an erotic atmosphere after ejaculation? Can you have sex in ways that don't necessarily stimulate the penis directly? You might want to agree on a safe word to use when you're close to coming - taking breaks can be really hot and intense. Try to keep eye contact and refrain from stimulating the penis further, kiss and touch each other elsewhere on the body.
Be aware of your masturbation habits
If you are used to masturbating in order to achieve a quick orgasm and ejaculate, this can spill over into your habits when having sex with your partner(s). Instead of trying to get rid of your horniness as quickly as possible when you masturbate, you can try to cultivate it instead. You can do this by focusing on deep breathing, calm movements and exploring erogenous zones other than your penis.
Take your time and explore on and in your body. Stimulate your inner thighs, caress your testicles, massage your perineum and maybe even explore how good it can feel to stimulate anally. You may want to use lube for a smoother and more slippery experience, as well as butt plugs or anal beads. If you want to explore your body with a vibrator, Pawny is perfect for the purpose: It glides smoothly over your body and is perfect for stimulating both testicles and perineum.
The start-stop method
You can also train how long you can withstand the stimulation of your penis before ejaculation by using the so-called start-stop method or start-stop technique. It's a good idea to try this method on your own before doing it with your partner(s).
Create a calm environment and set aside plenty of time. It's all about being relaxed and not rushing under any circumstances. Therefore, make sure that there is no risk of being disturbed along the way. You use the technique by masturbating just until you are about to come - and then you stop. How long you need to pause depends on when you feel 'ready' again. You can only judge for yourself how long that is - but try a few minutes to start with. Then start masturbating again. Repeat three to four times. Remember, it's not a failure if you ejaculate before you want to - the whole point of the method is to train how long it takes you.
You're not necessarily meant to succeed the very first time you try it. The start-stop technique makes you more aware of your own body and the signals it sends when you're about to come. You may want to get to know these signals well so that you can identify and feel them when you have sex with your partner(s). This method works best if you use it often - preferably several times a week.
Techniques using pressure
There are several so-called 'squeeze techniques'. The way they work is by applying pressure to a specific area to physically block the release. This can be quite an effective method, but requires both good timing and self-control to master. As with the start-stop method, it also makes sense to try these techniques on your own first. Just as you are about to come, you can apply relatively firm pressure to the penis by squeezing with your thumb and forefinger just below the head of the penis on the front and back of the penis. You can also press two or three fingers hard up into the perineum - or a combination of the two.
Pelvic floor exercises
When a person with a penis ejaculates, the muscles in the pelvic floor contract, "squeezing" the sperm out. With an inelastic and rigid pelvic floor, you have less control and may find that involuntary tension in the body (for example, due to nervousness) can contract the pelvic floor, which then provokes ejaculation.
By training the pelvic floor, you can therefore gain better control over when you come. At the same time, it can also give you better control over your erection, as the muscles in the pelvic floor also help to pump blood and other fluids around the pelvic floor and out into the penis. Once you have good contact with your pelvic floor and have trained the muscles there, you can also use kegel exercises as a tool for pleasure during masturbation or sex - Precisely because the contractions of the pelvic floor muscles are what can cause ejaculation and orgasm. So there are many good reasons to exercise the pelvic floor!
You can read more about pelvic floor exercises for people with a penis in our guide here.
Try a penis ring
A penis ring works by forcing the blood to stay in the penis. This can increase sensitivity and make orgasms more intense - and for some people, it can also make them last longer. It's not certain that it will have that effect for you - but maybe it's worth a try. In our assortment we have this adjustable penis ring, which is particularly good as it fits all penis sizes. You can read more about how to use a penis ring here.
When you are close to coming, try to distract yourself. Look around the room, take a deep breath, remember what you had for breakfast, count to twenty in another language. The possibilities are many. Distraction won't work for everyone - some will find that it simply has no effect, while others will find that getting too stuck in your head can ruin the sexual mood. For some people with a penis, however, distraction is a very easy and accessible way to gain control over their ejaculation. If you want to, you could try distraction during sex with yourself before trying it with your partner(s).
As well as protecting against STIs and possibly unwanted pregnancy, condoms can also be used if you find yourself ejaculating before you want to. Condoms, especially the thicker ones, can help to reduce the sensitivity of the penis slightly, thereby increasing the likelihood of lasting a little longer.
Have sex with yourself first
If you're on a hot date where you've talked about wanting to have sex with each other beforehand, it might be a good idea to masturbate beforehand. That way, you can do a bit of groundwork that increases the likelihood of lasting longer. However, be aware that your masturbation before a date shouldn't be something that just needs to be done - it can result in you training your body to come quickly.
Remember that sex is not over after orgasm
We are used to being presented with the sexual act as having a beginning, a middle and an end, where the end often involves ejaculation or orgasm. But it can be beneficial to rethink what sex is for you. A sexual session doesn't necessarily have to end when someone orgasms. Be creative and see if you can work together to view an orgasm as a natural part of the act, from which you can continue to have sex in ways that don't center on the penis for a while.
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