How to choose a dildo

There are a lot of dildos to choose from, but how do you choose the right one for you and your needs? In this article you can read more about the dildo and its many designs

A dildo is a sex toy shaped like a phallus, i.e. an erect penis. Some dildos are shaped to look like a dummy penis, while others have shapes and curves that human anatomy could never mimic - just look at this wild glass dildo. For some, an anatomical penis can help alleviate body dysphoria, while others prefer a dildo that looks as non-penis like as possible. Remember that there's no right or wrong when it comes to choosing the look of the dildo, as factors such as material and size are much more important.

Although a dildo seems pretty straightforward, it's very different from vibrating sex toys when it comes to masturbating when you're alone (obviously, but hear me out). If you use the dildo as the only thing to masturbate with, you have to do all the work yourself. If you were using something like a clitoris stimulator or other vibrating sex toys, you can mostly just sit back and let the vibrations do the work. If you are a person with a vulva and not very experienced or used to masturbation, the dildo by itself may not be the most obvious choice, as it requires a little practice before the stimulation is pleasant. Because of this, many may have a tendency to give up before they really get started, feeling as if they're doing something wrong. This doesn't mean you should refrain from trying a dildo as your first sex toy - it can actually be a great way to explore yourself, being in full control of the touch, penetration, pace, etc., and with a little practice finding out where the stimulation is just right. 

The important thing is just to remember that penetration is not a requirement for masturbation or sex, and your pleasure and the way you achieve it comes before others' perception of how you should enjoy your body. With that being said, penetration can be great, so let's go over what you should consider before choosing a dildo.

Warm up

Regardless of the size of the dildo, it's always better and more comfortable to warm up before penetration. When you are aroused, the blood flow increases, which relaxes the muscles and makes penetration both more enjoyable and easier. At the same time, the increased blood flow makes the areas around the vulva and anus more sensitive to the touch, so penetration feels even better. This warming lubricant from Satisfyer mimics the natural arousal by stimulating blood flow, so it can really get the body in motion. It's highly recommended that you start by massaging the place you want to penetrate with this lube (or just a regular kind) until you are ready for more.

Size and shape

A good way to figure out which girth your dildo should have, is to  insert as many fingers as you find comfortable in the opening where you want to use the dildo. You can then use your fingers to determine the width of your dildo. If in doubt, it's always better to choose a slightly slimmer model. This colorful dildo from Avant or the Amber glass dildo are two good options. You should rather choose a dildo where it is possible to increase in size and width later, than a large dildo right away. You just run the risk of it being too big to use, and then the fun stops before it even starts.

You should also consider the shape of the dildo. Some are completely straight, while others are more curvy. A curved dildo can be a good idea if you have issues with your wrists. It can also be good if you prefer intense, deep penetration, which can be quite demanding on your arms. Ella from Lelo is a good example of a more ergonomic dildo that can be maneuvered around more easily.

Of course, you can also try a dildo with a suction cup at the bottom, like this colorful one, which you can stick on most surfaces and avoid challenging your arms.

Materials

The material of the dildo also has a lot to say. Silicone is the most widely used material for sex toys, and this also applies to dildos. Silicone can be more or less firm on the surface, but it generally provides a softer stimulation than glass, metal or stone. A soft silicone dildo like these from Addiction or a slightly firmer kind like this one from Laid gives a more natural feeling than other materials.

Glass can be light in weight like silicone, but provides a more intense stimulation due to the hard surface. For some, the hard surface is too intense and even painful, while others simply cannot get enough - it's completely individual what you prefer, so you'll have to experiment a bit. Glass sex toys are typically made of borosilicate, which is more durable than ordinary glass and can withstand large changes in temperature. This means that you can cool down or heat up your glass dildo with water, which can be a big advantage if you want to use the dildo for the anus, as the warm temperature can help to relax the sphincter. A completely smooth glass dildo like this G-spot dildo gives a hard but uniform stimulation, whereas a grooved glass dildo like this one from Gläs gives an added sensation.

Like glass, metal and stone gives a harder stimulation. At the same time, metal and stone are much heavier than the other materials, which intensifies the stimulation. This makes metal and stone dildos particularly good for G-spot massage, which typically requires more intense stimulation. Here, the steel dildo Arch from Le Wand is perfect, as it's slightly curved and can hit the G-spot with both ends. While the hard surface is just too much for some, you should always remember the lube before you judge them too harshly.

Solo or with partner(s)?

One last thing to consider is the purpose of the dildo. Should it be used only on you, or perhaps with partner(s)? While a regular dildo can easily be used with others, you can also get dildos specifically for partner use, like for example this double-sided glass dildo. It can be a really intimate experience of sharing and using a sex toy together, and it can be a good way to experiment together.

However, this does not mean that you can't experiment if you're alone - there are many different thrusting techniques, depths, speeds or angles that you can explore. For example, If you are a person with a vulva you can try to move the dildo in the direction down towards the back, so that the surface of the dildo hits the clitoris. If you turn it towards the stomach, it can hit the area known as the G-spot. Did you also know that there are actually far more nerve endings right at the vaginal opening than inside the vagina itself? Try gliding the dildo around on the outside, for example over the labia or just around the opening.

Dildos for harness

When the dildo has a wide bottom, for example when it has a suction cup, it can be used in most harnesses. For example, you can use Pointy, which is compatible with all our harnesses. With its 17.5 cm, Pointy can provide precise and deep stimulation.

If you're looking for a larger alternative, the G-and P-spot dildo from Strap-On-Me is absolutely perfect. The dildo comes in three different sizes, with the largest measuring 19.8 centimeters in length. The dildo is also curved, so it's great for hitting and stimulating the G-spot or the prostate, the P-spot. The dildo is also compatible with all our harnesses, but feel free to try it with Strap-On-Me's own pretty harness.

Dildos for anal sex

It's not everything that can be put in the butt, because a vacuum can be created and then you're off to a bad start. If you want to use a dildo anally, make sure it has a wide bottom, for example a suction cup or a handle.

You can also read our guide to positions to stimulate the prostate here.

Looking for a new toy and want to test yourself in a fun way? Try our test and find out which product you are.