Better communication means better sex. Expressing what you love, like and don't like is very important in sexual relations. But what if you're not quite comfortable expressing yourself like that? Or maybe you don't know how to start the conversation with a partner? In this guide you'll get ideas and advice to learn how to get better at communicating with your partner(s).
Start with yourself
Maybe you're not used to being verbal during sex, so the thought of suddenly having to talk freely about that and you might be a little overwhelming. If that's the case, it can be easier practicing on your own first. First, try being more aware of what you do when you have sex with yourself. Are you completely quiet? In order to practice the verbal, you can try making sounds when you're alone, in order to get more comfortable with it. Try breathing a little heavier or exaggerate the little sighs you (maybe) naturally make. It can feel a little silly at first, like dancing alone (if you're not used to that), but you might find that sex with yourself becomes more pleasurable, when you allow yourself to make some noise. Don't do anything you're not comfortable with and don't force out sounds you would never naturally make - you're trying to get comfortable with your own sounds, not imitate things you might have seen in porn. And porn can be a great starting point for learning more about your sexuality and what turns you on, but you'll not learn by just imitating!
Talk about sex, also outside the bedroom
Maybe you also have a hard time talking about sex and your sexual desires because it feels shameful or wrong. Sex and sexual needs are not wrong, unnatural or bad: they're a completely natural part of life and you. When talking about sex, also in non-sexual situations, it becomes more normalized and feels less shameful. Try talking about it with someone you feel comfortable with, like your friends, so the conversation is more relaxed.
When you feel like you're ready to practice your communication skills with a partner, you don't have to start with a long monologue. You can start real simple with a "yes" or a "no", which can then become sentences. A little "yes" can easily become "yes, that feels good". A "no" can become a "no, let's do like this instead". You can also try saying a version of "that feels good" when you're partner is doing something that feels good, because you're probably already thinking it, the trick is just to say it out loud.
Play a little music
It can be a little intimidating breaking the silence, so it can be a good idea to play a little background music. Make a playlist with your favorite sexy songs, so you have something nice to play next time.
The body language
Lastly, you should remember that speaking is not the only way to communicate. If you feel like talking, you can also use your body yo express yourself. Little movements or guiding your partners hand around can also be ways to express your needs.