Dirty talk for beginners

Dirty talk can be really hot - whether it's during sex or over the phone. Dirty talk can serve as an erotic tool that can turn both you and your partner(s) on. Read our guide on how to get started.

What can dirty talk do?

Dirty talk can do several things. It can make you feel sexy and comfortable during sex with your partner(s) - just as it can turn on and excite both you and those you're having sex with. Dirty talk is also a great communication tool to let your partner(s) know what you like and get off on - while guiding your partner to touch you in exactly the way that feels best for you. It can be a great way to both express and act out fantasies. Dirty talk can also be useful if you have long-distance relationships: it can be nice and naughty to masturbate separately while talking about how you touch yourself or how you'd like your partner(s) to touch themselves. It can spark your imagination as well as theirs.

Dirty talk can be intimidating

For many, dirty talk can feel uncomfortable and cross boundaries, and thoughts such as "What am I going to say? What does my partner(s) want me to say? Could it be too much? Does what I say sound completely silly or stupid?" are quite common. It can be hard to know how to do dirty talk properly - because the thought of ruining the mood by saying the wrong thing can be scary. And how do you actually come up with something to say?

Talk to your partner(s)

It can be a good idea to talk about dirty talk outside of a sexual context. This is a good way to express if you would like to try dirty talk, without it having to be (as) intimidating. There are many aspects to such a conversation; it might be a good idea to agree with your partner(s) that it's okay to say something silly - and to laugh along the way. Talking about the shame you might feel when you engage in dirty talk can also help to increase reassurance afterwards. If the idea of a conversation feels uncomfortable, you can also start by writing about it. Either by asking about your partner(s) thoughts on dirty talk - or by sending a naughty message (sext). That way, you can practice putting into words what turns you on and what you'd like.

Start with your partner(s)

Following the above, it's essential to consider who will be receiving your dirty talk. Just as you can have different kinds of sex with different partners, the content of dirty talk can vary accordingly. Indeed, what is appropriate to say during the sexual act depends on your partner(s). It's a good idea to have conversations about what you like and what turns you on - and then get a feel for what your partner(s) would consider good and naughty dirty talk.

Use your senses

When you engage in dirty talk, you might find yourself overthinking things, and it can be frustrating to get too worked up and feel pressure to perform when you're in the middle of a sexual session. To minimise the risk of overthinking, dirty talk can easily start with more standardised phrases - but you can also use your senses. By making yourself aware of how your partner(s) look, smell, taste, and feel during sex, you can easily translate your experiences into dirty talk.

What to say?

There is no one recipe for dirty talk that fits or makes sense for everyone - yet some rough outlines can be made to act as a guide.

What you feel like: Try telling your partner(s) what you want to do to them, or in what way you want to touch them - before you do it. This can be a good start to dirty talk, as you keep the ball in your court by expressing your desires and letting your partner(s) judge whether it's something they want. It can be incredibly exciting both to find out what your partner(s)' desires are - and to let them wait to be touched in exactly the way that turns them on the most. Telling them what you want to do is also a good way to feel and be present.

What you love while doing it: When you subsequently touch or do with your partner(s) as you have been talking about, you can build on your dirty talk by describing - while you are doing it - what you particularly like about it; what components particularly turn you on.

What you want them to do: If you feel comfortable in the sexual space, you can also try dirty talk where you say what you want your partner(s) to do to you or for you - or how you want them to touch you. It can be vulnerable to talk about what you want them to do, as you risk bringing up something they don't want. If that doesn't feel good or comfortable, then it can be a good idea to keep the dirty talk to what you'd like to do yourself to begin with.

Single words: If you find it difficult to come together to create a coherent sentence, you can also make use of single words. For example, they can be used to express that you like it: yes, go on, more - or how you would like it: harder, gentler, faster, slower.

Dirty talk can also be a great tool for establishing dominance in BDSM games. You can read our article here that guides you to get started with BDSM.