Guide: How to perform oral sex on people with a vulva
What is the best way to perform oral sex on people with a vulva? Read on as we guide you through good positions, variety of stimulation, use of sex toys and how best to talk about oral sex with your partner(s)
Explore your partner(s)
Depending on who you are, where you are most sensitive and where you like to be licked during oral sex can vary. There's not just one recipe for good oral sex, so it's important to explore each other's desires during oral sex. For the vast majority of people with vulvas, the clitoris is the most sensitive area and is where licking gives the most pleasure. However, for other people with vulvas, licking the labia, around the vulva or around the vaginal opening can be more pleasurable. Vary the way you give oral sex - ask and feel what gives your partner(s) the most pleasure.
Start out gentle
If you start by licking directly on the clitoris, many may find it overstimulating and uncomfortable. That's why it's important to start gently, while slowly stimulating your partner(s)' erogenous zones. You can start by using your tongue, hands or fingers to caress and titillate your partner(s). If you and your partner(s) find it hot, you can start by licking and kissing along the legs and inner thighs - or from the neck down along the stomach before you start giving oral sex.
Vary the way you give oralsex
It can be nice to vary oral sex, both for your partners' and your sake. Variety can be a good way to explore what feels best for them - and to increase your stamina. You can try varying the way you give oral sex by sucking and licking different parts of your partner's vulva. You can try running your tongue up and down, from side to side or in a more circular pattern. You can also create negative pressure with your lips (like gently sucking), and stimulate with your tongue while doing so. Ask them what feels nice - and ask them to guide you if you want. You can also try moaning or blowing between their legs, or nibbling a little with your lips. For some people with vulvas, achieving orgasm requires being licked for a long time in the same place and often at a constant pace. Once you have found the way of giving oral sex that gives the most pleasure to your partner(s), it's great to try to continue that way.
Talk about it beforehand
If you've never tried giving oral sex to someone with a vulva before, it can seem very overwhelming or daunting. That's why it's important to talk about it beforehand. Try to sense each other's boundaries and create comfort between you. As with any other form of sex, oral sex also requires both parties to be in the mood. Before you start, you can say that you want to give oral sex - and ask your partner(s) if they want to receive oral sex too. If you feel up to it, you can also ask your partner(s) to describe what they associate with good oral sex and what is particularly arousing and pleasurable for them.
If you are the one receiving oral sex, you may experience some pressure of expectation to achieve an orgasm. That pressure can have the opposite effect, making it harder to experience pleasure and possibly achieve orgasm. Communicating about this both before and during sex can help to relax the atmosphere and provide a better experience for everyone. You may want to be direct about the fact that you don't expect your partner(s) to achieve orgasm - but that it's about them experiencing pleasure. It is therefore also a good idea that when you give oral sex to your partner(s), you arm yourself with patience.
Use your hands
In addition to creating variety with your mouth and tongue when giving oral sex, you can also use your hands. You can stimulate different erogenous zones around your partner(s)' body while licking and sucking. You can try to explore where they like to be touched - or ask if there's a particular place they like to be stimulated most. You can read more about erogenous zones in our article here.
You can also try combining oral sex and finger sex, by fingering them and massaging their g-zone. Insert a finger or two into the vagina and press lightly against the stomach. You'll feel an area where the surface has a slightly different texture. Try massaging in that area and ask your partner(s) if it feels nice. If you use your middle fingers, you can use your index and little fingers to try and "catch" the clitoris while licking.
Remember the anus during oralsex
If your partner(s) enjoy it, you can also stimulate them anally while giving oral sex. You can either use your fingers to stimulate around or inside the anus - or you can give them a rim job. You can read more about how to get started with rimming in our article here.
Help each other
If you're not experienced in giving oral sex to people with vulvas, it's totally natural to have a little trouble finding the clitoris or the g-zone.
Stimulating those areas can bring great pleasure to your partner(s). Talk to each other and agree that there's nothing embarrassing about asking for help or guidance. Overall, both you and your partner(s) are interested in having a nice and naughty experience together. It is therefore a good idea to help each other as much as possible. If you are the one receiving oral sex, you can help your partner(s) along by stroking their hair and showing them where to place their mouth and tongue. You can also try moaning to indicate that what they are doing is working for you.
If you want to learn more about the g-zone, you can also read our article here.
Suggestions for good positions for oral sex:
You can give your partner(s) with vulva oral sex from many different positions. We have compiled a few suggestions below and detailed the benefits of each positions. To learn more, you can also read our guide to sex positions here.
- You between the legs: the classic position for oral sex. Your partner(s) lie on their back while you lie on your stomach between their legs. In many ways, you have an equal power relationship during the act: you have the power to decide how to lick them - at the same time, they have the power to change position or move your head around. In this position, you also have ample opportunity to make eye contact, ensuring that you can read your partner(s)' signals along the way. You also have ample opportunity to use your hands to caress their body while you lick them. If your partner(s) are lying with their legs over the edge of the bed, you also have more freedom to finger them.
- Place a pillow under their hips: using the same position as above, you can also place a pillow under your partner(s) hips. The change in the angle you give oral sex from makes it easier to place your head in a position that is more comfortable for your neck. As well as being more comfortable for you, it can also mean that you can keep giving oral sex for longer. The higher position of your partner(s) hips also makes it easier for you to access the clitoris and g-zone if you finger while giving oral sex.
- Your partner(s) in an upright position: while they are sitting upright, possibly supporting themselves with their hands on the mattress, you are on your stomach with your head between their legs. In this position, your partner(s) have more control over you and the oral sex you give. It is easier for them to position both themselves and you, in the way that feels best for them.
- Your partner(s) sitting on your face: in this position, they can sit on your face and ride it at a pace that feels nice to them. This can create good variety, and ensure that your partner(s) achieve great sexual pleasure. Depending on which way your partner sits on your face, you might have ample opportunity to touch your partner(s) while licking them. You can touch their hips, butt or chest - or you can grip their hips, gently helping to move them as they ride your face.
- From the side: If your partner(s) lie on their side while you give oral sex, you both have ample access and opportunity to touch each other's bodies. You can try touching their butt, chest, midsection or around the anus. If you are lying on your side, you also have easy access to finger your partner(s) in this position. If you feel like it, there is also ample opportunity for you to give each other oral sex at the same time.
Sex toys you can use when giving oral sex to people with vulva
If you want to add an extra dimension to oral sex, sex toys are a great way to do it. It can be a vibrator like Corny that can penetrate - it can make the experience more intense for your partner(s).
If your partner(s) find it hot to be stimulated anally while receiving oral sex, you can also use a butt plug. Our Trainy butt plug set is suitable for this purpose: The small size difference between the widest and narrowest point makes them particularly suitable for penetration - and you can choose which size you think is appropriate.
Read also: Guide: How to give oral sex to people with a penis
Read also: Oral sex diseases: What STDs can be transmitted through oral sex?
