Ten false myths about sex
There are a lot of myths about sex - in this article we have collected and punctured ten myths
1. Penis size matters for sex
A well-known and extremely common myth, is it the size or what you do with it? One question you might ask in this context is - do what? The intuitive answer is - give pleasure. However, it is far from the shape, length or width of the penis itself that determines how much pleasure one's partner experiences. Sex is so much more than just penetration - and while for some it's essential to be "filled out" to achieve pleasure, this can be done with tools other than the penis. How one's body is set up, what brings one pleasure, and what one finds naughty and nice varies from person to person. Instead of looking at your own or someone else's penis as an estimate of how good sex can be - it might be a good idea to ask your partner(s) how they like to be touched.
2. The G-spot does not exist in people with vulvas
The G-spot can be more accurately described as a zone, and it is the backside of your clitoris. There may be a larger or smaller area inside your vagina, that feels particularly nice to have stimulated. The area will typically be placed 2-5 centimetres up the vagina, facing the abdomen. The myth that the G-spot doesn't exist may be based on the fact that most people with vulvas don't experience orgasm from penetrative sex alone. It's not certain that everyone can succeed with orgasming from the G-zone - nor that everyone can even find their G-zone. However, we can only recommend that you explore your vagina. You can read more about the G-spot and how to best find and stimulate it in our explanatory guide here.
3. Oral sex is safe sex
Many sexually transmitted diseases are also transmitted through oral sex. Through mucosal contact between the mouth and the genitals or anus, bacteria and viruses can be transmitted. Sexually transmitted diseases can sit in the mouth and throat; some sexually transmitted diseases can be transmitted to the throat and mouth alone, while others can also be transmitted from the mouth and throat to other places. You can read more about oral sexually transmitted diseases and how to best protect yourself here.
4. Sex toys are only available for people with vulvas
There are lots of sex toys designed specifically for people with penises. Broadly speaking, they fall into three categories: penis sleeves, which are often made of silicone and have a hole at one or both ends where you can insert your penis. A great example is the Tenga Spinner. Then there's strokers, which are used to stroke up and down the penis, where an example of a stroker with vibration could be Manta. Finally there are penis rings, which come in different sizes, colours and shapes - and with or without vibration. A penis ring keeps the blood in the penis by preventing it from flowing back, and can be placed at the root of the penis, around the testicles or around both.
Every person has an anus, and especially for people with a penis, a lot of pleasure can be obtained from it. Just a few centimetres up the rectum, facing the stomach, you can find and stimulate the prostate. A gland that produces seminal fluid, and is often referred to as "people with the penis' G-spot". That's why it's worth trying sex toys designed for anal use that curve slightly if you have a penis.
5. The virginity exists
There is no membrane to break the first time you have sex. Penetrative sex has no altering effect on the body, and you're not a virgin per se if you haven't had your virginity taken. Exactly when you've had sex for the first time is up to you - and that doesn't necessarily include penetrative sex. You can read much more about the myth of the virginity here.
6. Sex equals penetration
There are an incredible number of ways to have sex; hand sex, oral sex, foot sex, anal sex and vaginal sex just to name but a few. Many have the perception that the different forms of sex can be ranked, with vaginal sex counting as the only "real" form of sex. But we want to help challenge that belief - you can read more about sex from a norm-critical perspective here.
7. Sex and masturbation should lead to orgasm
Sex and masturbation are basically about having a good time with yourself and each other. For many, orgasms can be wonderful, but it's worth it trying to focus on the process rather than the orgasm as the goal. Many people talk about the orgasm gap and that you should demand your orgasms - it's true, but maybe the focus should instead be on having fun and being naughty with yourself and each other, rather than creating high expectations, that might even make you too tense to orgasm.
8. Lack of erection means failed sex
This myth leans on the ones above; that penetrative sex is the only form of real sex, and that orgasm is the purpose of having sex in the first place. You can have phenomenal sex without involving the penis - even if you have one. For many, the myth means that they feel guilt and shame if they experience challenges in fully getting, or keeping, the penis erect. One solution to this may be to rethink and be creative with how you have sex.
9. You are bi or gay if you have sex with someone of the same sex
It can be a good idea to talk about the fact that sexuality is much broader than just the sexual act. You can have sex with someone of the same sex without it affecting how you experience and define your sexuality. As well as sex, sexuality is also about the relationship with yourself, who you are sexually attracted to and who you fall in love with. Who you want to have sex with and who you fall in love with are not necessarily the same - nor is the extent to which the two things define your sexuality.
10. Orgasm and ejaculation are the same for people with penis
For many people with a penis, orgasm and ejaculation are inextricably linked. But they are not two sides of the same coin: You can achieve ejaculation without having an orgasm, just as you can have an orgasm without having an ejaculation.
You can also read about how to use a condom here, or about the squirting orgasm here!