What is an orgasm?
We are often presented with the big O in popular culture as the ultimate, obvious climax at the end of penetrative sex. But why is this image of the orgasm so misleading and problematic for the individual? And what exactly is an orgasm?
Written by Roselil Aalund
The history of the orgasm
Throughout history, the orgasm has received varying degrees of attention - a topic that has unfortunately been clouded by shame surrounding sexuality and sexual pleasure. The orgasm has often been made the goal of sexual contact and intercourse, often described as a physical need and a necessary release. In the early 1900s, it was groundbreaking and provocative to think of sex as a biological need, as this gave all humans the right to desire. However, sex cannot be considered a purely biological need, as we enjoy and exist differently.
Later in the 1940s, American biologist Albert Kinsey began exploring sex and desire, quickly discovering that there is an infinite diversity in human desires. Trying to define sexual pleasure and orgasms is problematic as it narrows our ability to be present in our bodies, as we will constantly seek to achieve a certain state. There is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to coming.
What exactly is an orgasm?
Coach and sex expert Layla Martin lists three elements of orgasm that need to be present for you to call it an orgasm. Let's dive in!
1. Pleasure - whatever you feel in your body should feel good, pleasure is a key element of orgasm.
2. Expanding - this pleasurable feeling spreads to other parts of your body.
3. Mindshift - you feel some kind of mental shift, i.e. your mental review of your shopping list or to-do list will be interrupted. Note that in this definition there is no climax, a build-up of tension and eventually a release.
Layla Martin's approach can create freedom for the individual to be present in their sexual pleasure. Orgasm should not be about comparing and confronting oneself with existing norms of sex and pleasure, but about being present in one's body. Orgasm is seen as a physical and mental state that unites body and mind. Whether it comes as a climax, a rolling sensation or a gentle hug, the orgasm is there for you. You deserve to experience your body exactly as you want, free from the various set-ups and expectations we may be subjected to from popular culture. This is an invitation to experience yourself anew and a reminder that your orgasm is completely your own and unique - just like you.
Read also: Restrictions on one's sexuality in a heteronormative society
Read also: Fluid sexuality
