How to get better at saying what you want during sex

Have you tried wanting something, but not really being able to say it out loud? Or do you sometimes experience having one type of sex with your partner, but you actually wanted something else? Read this guide and get some tips for getting better at saying what you want

You're a little more "dumb" during sex

I once heard a doctor explain why it's so difficult to say something during sex or when you're aroused. The centers in your brain that are working when you're aroused and during sex, are very far from the centers that create language. So in other words, you're a little more dumb during sex. Everyone that forgot the condom in the heat of the moment can sign off on that. How it factually works in the brain is outside my scope, but the explanation really resonated with me. Especially with reference to people having trouble saying what they really want during sex. 

How to get started

So it's important to do your prep work. Decide what you want to say, at a time where the brains language center is more available. Think about the last time you had sex. Make the following headlines and make a description under each one. Try to make the list by hand, you'll remember it better like that. 

What were you missing?
What would you like more of?
What there something that wasn't supposed to be there?
Something that should have been different?
What will you like less of?

You can also add one or more points, if it makes sense to you 

Find a focus

When you're looking at your list, find a single thing to focus on. How can you express this wish, using the shortest possible sentence? Maybe just one word can do it? "Softer", "harder", "lick me slowly", "go back a little", "stop", "kiss me more". Find out what your word or short sentence should be. 

Practice makes perfect   

Now practice your word or sentence. Write it down, by hand is best. Write it on your phone. Say it out loud to yourself or with a friend. Maybe send it as a part of a text to the person you had sex with. You can also trying telling your sexpartner that you'd like to tell them something the next time you have sex. And then when you're ready, say it during sex. Practice saying it a lot. Even if your request is fulfilled, it can also be hot saying it as it's happening.

When you're ready to expand the repertoire a bit, move on to the next thing on your list. And remember, practice makes perfect, and all the practice can be wonderful in itself. 

You should also give our guide to the prostate orgasm a read, or our sextoy guide for couples.