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Edging: What, why and how?

Edging is a form of orgasm control where you repeatedly bring yourself or your partner(s) to the edge of orgasm - and then pause or slow down. Through edging, you can extend the duration of sexual pleasure, achieve multiple orgasms in a row and/or more intense orgasms - Depending on whether you choose to end your edging session with an orgasm. You can either edge yourself or your partner(s).

Edging with yourself

Edging during masturbation can give you a greater understanding of your body; where and how it feels good to be touched. It also brings greater control over your own pleasure and can help you determine how and when you reach orgasm. Edging while masturbating can also require a lot of focus and can be a good exercise in getting into your body and not letting your mind run away with you.

Edging with your partner(s)

Edging with one or more partners can be both hugely intimate and very intense at the same time. In itself, it's all about identifying what 'buttons' you can push with each other. Before you start edging a partner, it's important that you both agree to it: Talk about what edging is for you and if there are any particular areas or stimuli that are off limits. Start out slowly and safely - and try it out. Ask your partner(s) to tell you what works well and not so well for them. Different types of stimuli you can try includes licking, nibbling, biting, pinching, kissing or sucking in different places. Once you've mapped out which stimuli and areas of the body your partner likes, you can play with variation. You can change the pace of one type of stimulation or how often you switch between stimuli. If you feel comfortable, you can also try combining different ways of stimulating your partner(s).

How can you increase the intensity of edging?

You can increase the intensity of edging in several different ways. We have gathered a number of suggestions: If necessary, go through the list with your partner(s) and agree on which ones you would like to try and possibly combine.

  • Restraints: You can either use ropes to tie up or cuffs to restrain your partner(s). You can tie their hands or feet to the bed frame, or you can tie them together. The advantage of tying their hands or feet together is that the rope can also act as a kind of handle, allowing you to control the positioning. If you've tied your partner(s) to something, you can take advantage of the fact that they can't move away as part of edging. For example, you can take a few steps back and let them look at you while you undress.
  • Blindfold: To increase bodily sensations for your partner(s), you can blindfold them. By removing the sense of sight, stimuli on the body can feel extra intense. At the same time, it's impossible for them to know where the next touch is going to be: that uncertainty can be a really hot element of edging.
  • Sit on their chest: If you don't have any ropes, cuffs or a blindfold lying around, try sitting on your partner's chest with your back to their face. It's a good idea to place their arms under your thighs; this way you'll block your partner's view and fix their arms to your body.
  • Incorporate elements of BDSM: If you're inexperienced but curious about BDSM, you may want to try implementing elements of edging. Because edging varies in intensity, it can be quite a sensual activity. Try domination by giving your partner commands, spitting on them or hitting them on different parts of the body. You can also try choking or playing with pain with a flogger or pinwheel. But always agree on boundaries!!
  • Eye contact: Making eye contact during edging is guaranteed to set your partner on fire. You can try varying how much you look at your partner, closing your eyes or looking at a spot on their body.
  • Use sex toys: Using sex toys on your partner as part of edging can be really nice. Using a butt plug can allow you to stimulate multiple areas at once - or using a vibrator can add a completely different kind of stimulation. For this purpose, Pawny or Kip are ideal; their round shapes make them very easy to move around the body, especially if you add lube.
  • Dirty talk: Dirty talk can make sex insanely hot - also edging. What you want to say during dirty talk is entirely up to you. You can read much more about dirty talk in our article here, but to give a few examples of dirty talk in the context of edging:
  • I love touching your body
  • it feels really nice when you ...
  • you're really naughty when you moan
  • say my name
  • look me in the eyes
  • open your mouth for me
  • tell me how much you enjoy it
  • would you like to come for me?

For edging to be successful, good communication is essential. The one of you being edged needs to be able to communicate - either verbally or non-verbally - when you are on the verge of orgasm. Edging is therefore also a great way to train yourself and your partner(s) to read each other's bodily signals. When it comes to edging with a partner, it requires the receiver to be able to give in to pleasure. In addition to clear communication, trust is also fundamental. One way to protect yourself and your partner(s) is to agree on one or more safewords. You can read more about safewords in our article here.

Read also: What is sexual aftercare?

Read also: Get better at communicating during sex

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